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There is no greater joy than the anticipation of becoming a parent, especially for a woman, who for biological reasons also has a stronger relationship with her child. But what happens when those biological circumstances make it impossible to give birth to a child? One thing is certain: they can never take away a woman’s desire to become a mother.
A young woman approached Shekulli whose desire to become a mother had not been defeated, despite the misfortunes she had endured. A.B. wrote to Shekulli saying that she wanted to become a mother, but through a procedure little known in Albania, at least among the wider, nonmedical public. In popular usage, the procedure has been dubbed a “mother for hire” or a “substitute mother” (surrogate).
It is a medically assisted reproduction procedure in which a child conceived in vitro by a couple unable to have children is carried and born to another woman. This practice is well known in the United States, but almost unheard of among the Albanian public and in Albanian law.
This is precisely the aspect A.B. wants to bring into discussion. In her desire to become a mother, she “is prepared to pay any price.”
Her story begins when she realized that she could not have children. “I had often heard about it, but never knew that the time would come when I would experience such a thing.
“It all began five years ago. What should have been the most beautiful day of my life, the day I was to give birth to my child, became the bitterest, one that would be remembered for a long time. I am among the few women in Albania who do not have the possibility of becoming a mother, at least naturally.
“A medical error put my life in jeopardy and took away what I had awaited for so long (5 years of trying). Now I am at a crossroads,” she tells Shekulli.
But despite enduring such a painful moment, A.B.’s desire to become a mother did not fade. On the contrary, it grew when she learned that there was a way for her too.
“A year ago, during a conversation with a doctor, I discovered quite by chance that I had a chance to become a mother,” she says. “A substitute mother (surrogate). It is the only way for me to have children.”
But this is where A.B.’s real battle begins: the legal aspect, the medical side that doctors will not undertake, and the financial side, which, like everything, comes at a cost. “Albania does not provide for this method in any law, but it also prohibits it,” says A.B.
“Meanwhile, none of the doctors I have spoken to will undertake this process, which is almost the same as in vitro fertilization. Many tell me to obtain permission from the Ministry of Health, but the bureaucracy in that institution means there is no one to whom I can submit my request.
“Nevertheless, I am determined to do it. At any price. Without counting the financial cost, which is beyond the means of a couple on an average salary.”
A.B. says that, although she has seen this possibility as offering considerable hope, the attitudes she has encountered have not helped her much.
“Since learning of this possibility, I have searched endlessly for a woman willing to take on this burden for me. I have asked countless people, and have even been willing to pay them, but so far no one has helped me. Because of this backward mentality, no woman, or man she may have beside her, can grasp the idea of carrying for nine months a child with someone else’s blood (the child has the parents’ genes, not those of the woman carrying the pregnancy).
“In many countries around the world, from what I have read, this is simply a job. Indeed, it pays more than an ordinary trade. But no.
“Even the Ministry of Health, instead of providing for how such cases should be handled, is another barrier.” A.B. goes on to say that she remains determined to become a mother, and that what matters to her is the creation of a legal basis that could legitimize this process. “What interests me is creating a legal basis, because this may cause problems in the future.
“Despite all the circumstances, I am determined to make this happen.”
What does Albanian law provide?
Albania has no law that precisely provides for a “substitute mother.” But techniques for reproduction through another person using in vitro methods were first mentioned in the law on reproductive health, a law approved in 2002 by decree of the president at the time, Rexhep Mejdani. Article 43 of that law provides that the Minister of Health is obliged to issue separate acts to define the specifics of “surrogate adoption.”
Doctors avoid commenting
Shekulli tried to contact a gynecologist to explain whether this process could be carried out in Albania. Unwilling to comment publicly, doctors said quietly that the procedure was the same as in vitro fertilization, but needed to be regulated by law. Other doctors said they did not have much information and wanted time to return to their books before speaking.
Some doctors also said quietly that people seeking this procedure turn to neighboring countries, such as Greece.
Ilir Çumani: The humane side of this procedure must be guaranteed
To discuss the legal aspect of this procedure, Shekulli spoke with Ilir Çumani, who, in his capacity as a lawyer, said there was a legal gap in our country concerning a “substitute mother” or “mother for hire.” “From a legal standpoint, there is no possibility in Albania for a child born to one mother to then become the child of two other parents, except through adoption,” says Çumani, speaking as a lawyer.
He is also director of the National Institute for the Integration of Orphans. Explaining his view, Çumani says such cases may also involve violations of children’s rights, because “the child is treated like a piece of property.”
He says Albanian law is weak in this area and does not provide for such a relationship. “It must be understood that we have a legal gap on this issue,” says Çumani, who explains what, in his judgment, a procedure guaranteeing at least “humaneness” might look like. “It could be done through an agreement between a couple unable to have children for particular reasons and a relative, or even another woman, who would, through in vitro procedures, carry the couple’s genetic material (fertilized eggs or an embryo)…
“But when this child is born, it will be born to a mother who is registered at the maternity hospital with her first and last name, and this is where the legal gap is felt. It means that this child would have to go through adoption procedures, with the matter regulated through a fully legal relationship or agreement between the parties involved.
“It may be possible to regulate this relationship between the couple seeking to have a child and the mother bringing that child into the world. It could be regulated through a legal act carried out in the presence of a notary, but a specialist doctor and an expert in children’s rights would also need to be present.
This would be very important, so that the possibility of buying and selling human beings, trafficking, is excluded from this relationship and everything remains within a humane act. Albanian legislation does not provide for such a thing!”
But as he says this, Çumani points out that, by not providing for it, the legislation does not prohibit it either: “As long as there is no written law, there is no law against it!”
Showbiz stars have children through “mothers for hire”
Having children through surrogate, or substitute, mothers is a Hollywood trend that has become increasingly international. This “practice” has been seen as a solution by several American film actors, such as Robert De Niro, Giuliana Rancic, Elizabeth Banks and Nicole Kidman.
They then became an example for gay couples to follow, including actors Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, and singer Elton John and David Furnish. The latter have provoked the most debate on this issue.
The famous actor Robert De Niro is the father of 6 children, 3 of whom were born with the help of another mother. The 71-year-old De Niro and his second wife, Grace Hightower (59), have a 3-year-old daughter, Helen Grace, who was born through a surrogate mother. De Niro also has twins (19), Julian and Aaron, through the same “technique”; they were born during his relationship with Toukie Smith.
The well-known actress Nicole Kidman is also one of the major Hollywood stars to have chosen this “technique.” The 47-year-old Kidman has 4 children in total, 1 boy and 3 girls, two of them from her second marriage, to Australian singer Keith Urban; the youngest is named Faith. Four years ago, a substitute mother gave birth to her.
Elizabeth Banks is another actress who chose to have another mother carry her child. The 40-year-old and her husband, Max Handelman, had a son four years ago, whom they named Felix. But gay couples have also followed the example of these acting couples.
The first was Elton John, who, together with his partner David Furnish, is the father of two boys, aged four and two. The famous singer said that his children had been conceived through an in vitro method at a clinic in California and then carried by a “volunteer” mother. This entire procedure did not pass unnoticed by the media, which claimed that the British singer had paid 20 thousand pounds, bringing the delicate issue of “mothers for hire” into focus.
Another gay couple to have children in this way is actor Neil Patrick Harris and his partner, David Burtka, who became fathers to twins, a boy and a girl, four years ago. Harris also claimed that the children had been conceived at an American clinic.
Fertility tourism
The trend spread by showbiz stars has led many countries with a more extensive legal framework that allows reproduction through surrogate mothers to face a wave of “tourists” visiting solely for this purpose. Russia, Ukraine and especially India are among the most popular destinations. India ranks first in the number of cases handled.
The number of clinics in this country is extraordinarily large. They even arrange the “mothers for hire” themselves, women who are not legally recognized as mothers in that country. Everything has a financial cost that is legally permissible.
For sums ranging from 10 thousand to 35 thousand dollars, you can become a parent in this country without your wife having to become pregnant. Meanwhile, since last year, the country has banned this “service” for gay couples.
Published in “Shekulli” on 23/01/2015
* This article was reviewed and corrected on 8 October 2026.